“Im so happy to have my drawing pad back.”

Here is the picture of where a real entreprenuer havev fun and feels alive – I really hope to start building for myself again soon. Not that Im not enjoying building for others and collecting a big fat consulting check….

When I fly I always -

pass out just after takeoff. Some time ago I was on a plane from Tokyo to Copenhagen to do consulting work for a VERY BIG JAPANESE GUY. I had someone very dear in my mind and I was dreaming and crying on the plane…  I’m my dream I was the main carrecter in”Californication”. A sexy lady (now my girlfriend) said ”Hey Morten, I have been thinking about it. I think you are the Hank Moody of your world…”

If you aren’t -

familiar with this TV show let me say that it is not something you would consider as an instant compliment.

Californication is about

a writer from LA with a rather complicated relationship with his life. He is drinking too much, smoking too much, fooling around too much and hurting his daughter and girlfriend all the time. He keeps ending up in strange crazy situations but for some reason he is to me a hero as he tries to be honest about his crazy choices. A heart-driven fool…

”What do you mean”,

I asked the lady a little offended, because this guy is really not a man a woman would spend more than a night with.

”Well”, she said. ”You fool around in your world, you smoke, ok, you drink, but you fall in and out of love all the time with  people , with situations, with companies and with ideas. You manage to look at the bright side of life and although you have been going through a very tough time lately I have not seen you smile and laugh so much since the day we met.
You are a Hank Moody because you try to be honest and stay in contact with yourself although you do not always know who that is for very long – neither do the rest of us.”

Ohh my God…,

I thought, it is going to be a very long flight – more than the scheduled 11 hours. But then i started to rethink…

Dear valued reader of this mental hygiene blog of mine, I am not good at writing long  well structured articles/essays. I am no good with long sentences, long relationships and keeping focus for too long. I communicate with the world through Twitter (140 carercters) and I get a lot of my info from Twitter as well. I am a super ultimate consumer of information and personal relations, words and ideas and I like to be fast, passionate and juicy about everything I do. I love to go all in – and that’s something I can prove :). I want to be a man of action and you could say short sentences. So for me to write this article/essay is overcoming a barrier and it is not a natural thing for me. Act Don’t Talk is my motto –> 2.0 Act Don’t Think or  Act Don’t Write :) …

The reason

for bringing the Hank Moody story up is because he is a kind of a guy who seems to go with the flow and no matter how much he screws up he seems honest and able to continue on the destine road of his. And in that way I have to agree with thr srxy Lady.

I have been investing in and starting up companies for more than 17 years and even though I am no more than almost 38 years old I am quite a veteran within this area. I have a pretty good, almost animalistic instinct for good people and kicking off ideas into businesses and I am willing to go very far too implement these ideas if I believe in the people behind. And then it happened last year – BANG – One of these ideas made me go personal bankrupt and it is now 14 months ago. You can read about the whole story on my here on my blogpost the-day-i-woke-up-without-arms-and-legs – its hardcore – but to me more hearthcore.

What I want to share with you

is that ever since that day I have been smiling more than ever. I am a bit afraid of telling people how I feel as they could consider me a bit loony (well I am). But I have to be honest and even though I lost more than 50 mio. euros I am more optimistic about life than ever. I feel free and although I do not own a credit card and my kids and their mother probably have to move out of the house they live in and Im inviting myself for dinners all the time I feel an unbearable lightness about life and my situation, which kind of embarrass me since I read about guys committing suicide for less money that I lost and that makes me rethink…..

Im no longer thingking about what Jet Plan to buy, it is no longer an option buying art for all the extra earnings on investments, it is no longer cool to show the size of your dick by showing up a charity shit. And I love that I don’t have to spend braintime on inventing crazy holidays just because ordinary was suddenly not good enough – no more swimming in champagne at fancy clubs. You end up killing and loosing yourself, if not literally then mentally – when the speed is too fast… To go bankrupt is probably the biggest eye opener to me  ever– it  has set me free and I do not need to hide my insecurities behind a speed, funds, material shelter of goods and staff and more and more unuseful crab. Going bankrupt has shown me more about myself than I had ever dreamt of and even better – it had shown and taught me for real – not just as a political correct cliche – that success is not earning money in itself. Success might be about understanding money as a tool to develop and changing the world. A tool to make people work and inspire  and motivate themselves and others.

Money and loss of it -

should never lead to suicide, ugly divorces, loneliness and mental loneliness. Money is like love energy and should be used and looked at the same way – with respect and mutual understanding. Money has to be reflecting the users values and personality and should be used wisely and with integrity. If you spend your money wisely and with respect and follow your gut feeling – then you might get closer to the right track i think.  It is not about the money but about the energy in it. Money is dangerous stored energy. Be honest about who you are and what you know and do not use people unless you really use them. Money is nothing – did you ever see a company build itself? Right – it’s the people, people, people.
My friend was maybe right  – Maybe I am the Hank Moody of my world – I live and breath it, and sometimes I screw up but I get back on the horse – I never give up on my dreams – and I am proud that although I have had everything and now have nothing I am happier than ever feeling more successful and on page with the soul of the world…

With EVERBREAD and Tradeshift

- taking of like space-rockets – I feel that my focus and salesman-skills channel in ONE DIRECTION and I actually add value. I see results – I feel that people around me grow and get more energized – and therefor I have a much better feeling about myself. I have tried being 100% confused about my 8-90 startups – and not into any detail. But now – that I have to perform as a CEO and Adviser – I see how much you can do with attention and focus – how many small errors I can find just from using my experiences. I’m not bullshitting you – dear highly valued reader – I LOVE IT. Off course – both project are HYPER DISRUPTIVE in their industries – and its not a boring butter cookie factory – but I love being into the details and MOVE A WHOLE TEAM and ORG forward. Its a very new and strange feeling for me – but I feel that I found my role here.

Should I ever be so lucky to get free and out of bankruptcy – I will lock myself into only doing One major thing and max 2 small side geeks.

RETHINK -

your own success parameters all you other Hank Moodys out there.. And remember Im always very liquid – I have the love of my 4 kids – that’s all that matters. Think about it … :)

Note: This essay was printed in German Focus magazine 11 months ago – and is only mildly updated.

Make it FULLSCREEN and chill:

This piece of art I have ever seen – it goes directly to my system – scary and yet an ever discover-full voyage in between your mind and your eyes.

Civilization by Marco Brambilla from CRUSH on Vimeo.

Me, Mylself, I

“I keep having this dream where I’m stuck in the bottom of a drill – I can’t jump high enough to catch the top and get up… ”

U don’t have to be clairvoyant or a numeric healer to understand that dream. For me the important part has been to cope with the fact that I’m a failure and forget about my cosmetic aware nercicistic self – AND MOVE ON. It did not take that long for the awake me and I make a small sallery and pay my bills partly from talking openly about my bankruptcy and working for EverBread where no one gives a shit. But apparently the deeper part of me is not really coping with the situation since this dream keeps comming… Its strange but maybe its also the key to entrepreneurship:

1) FIRST

You r a failure since u don’t take the NORMAL CARRIER ROUTE -

2) SECOND

when u get successful (and loaded) u r once again A VERY DIFFERENT KIND OF FISH but with self-confidence.

3) THEN FOR SOME YEARS

U learn the new lifestyle – rick – successful – kind of admired. You start talking way more then you listen (be very aware). You start being late for to many friend meeting… And You try to find out who u are – and build whatever you can with this weird self-confidence from money: – family, friendship, companies.

4) AND THEN

( if did not give up at STEP 1,2 or – became a coke head at 3 (still haven’t tried that kind of dope – it would be like reverse Woody Allen on downers). And if you really go all in to feel the kick from building something and you dont just sit on the money (or a stupid real estate portfolio). THEN IT HAPPENS -> SOME go bankrupt – and start over again. (then GO TO 1).

No Matter What Step you are at – Its About People

As always its about PEOPLE and the values inside yourself – and if u want to build a big vision or a big company u HAVE TO HAVE the ability to atrack people and talent that is way over your head – ITs CALLED SALES – sales of your vision. A term that seems to be eroded from all businesscards I have received over the last 5 years (I just checked).

No Matter What Step you are at – Its All About Sales

As an entrepreneur: Every day you have to sell your idea, your product and your self. And dont try hide behind it – with endless development or launching without called clients – following up – or even worse – A VIRAL STRATEGY and MEDIA. Call client and partners… EVERYONE AND HIS DOG.

It Takes A Lot Of Self-confidence

I had endless love in my childhood from everyone around me (parents, neighbors, teachers (even those with bad teaching skills, friends and Mentors) – and I now even have the unconditional love from my kids on top (and a incredible patient girlfriend). And that’s more I could ever dream of – so when I’m awake and have control over my brain I’m proud and happy. And I do sales and get a no every day.

BUT BUT BUT there is some unfinished business deep inside (its cosmetic – and its about some people (the first in my life) who fucked me over – and its about my personal brand and integrity) – something I haven’t been able to connect too and analyze – even though my shrink has given me a credit-line (but we mostly talk about sex anyway ).

I will keep fighting – and I feel stronger then EVER – just have to fix that dream part – Standing Stuck down that drill.

FlopStar – refers to Morten Lund to rock GeeknRolla, April 20, London